Fun Enjoy: May 2008

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Just Read it once Very important

In the wake of two shocking incidents that took place in Bangalore and Hyderabad, couples committing suicide because of extra-marital affairs with their colleagues, I just thought of writing a small article on how to avoid such incidents. This is really a serious matter and if not dealt on at an early stage could lead to such incidents in our personal life too. I have done research on human behavior and psychology and am trying to put-in some text which may (or may not) be helpful to you. Never-the-less I feel it's worth knowing such things and if possible every individual can make a conscious effort to more or less follow the same.

Some people don't take advice but taking good advice may do you no harm. Thos who are not married this is the best article as before starting a new relationship if you are ready for it, will only help you to lead a happy life.

Read on..
We spend 40/45/50/60 hours a week with our colleagues. This is the most we spend with any members of our family. So it's obvious they are an integral part of our life. Good, understood. But an important point to remember is colleagues are colleagues and not friends and if you think they are friends then you are highly mistaken. Imagine working together for 9 hours a day together and then returning home and continuing to talk with your colleague on phone. This is what happened with that Infosys guy who could not stand this behavior of his wife and killed her and committed suicide. Which husband would like his wife talking on phone with her colleague and that too male counterpart? Or which wife will like her husband doing the same? Just keep yourself in that situation and see. Anger will creep in within you.
So whatever gossip or topic you want to discuss with your colleagues do it during office hours and once you are out of office forget about your work and your colleagues unless it's official matter.

Just check this unnecessary talk…
A guy and her colleague walking out of office at 6.30p.m. At 7.30 or 8.00 the guy calls that female,
Guy: Hi, how are you? Where have you reached? (Don't you know how she is and where she must be at this time)
Lady: I am fine. Reached home.
Guy: What are you cooking today?
Lady: So and so (Now here the lady knows that the guy has called to flirt with her and the call is unnecessary. It's the duty of the female to say something to avoid that guy. If she doesn't at this stage then this call will be going for another 30-45 mins and questions like 'When will you be taking bath? What time you will sleep? What will you bring for me for breakfast for tomorrow will creep in?' and imagine the state of the family members of that lady at this point.
They expect the lady to come and talk with them for sometime but here this lady is enjoying a talk with the guy with whom she has been working since morning. No wonder such people will have a horrendous married life.

A simple thing to think about. Say you are not married. You go to office and come back say at 6.00 in the evening. You have so much of time left. Can't you read some books and increase your knowledge rather than spending one-two hours on mobile. Girls can start experimenting with new dishes. Main thing to understand is such gossiping on calls becomes on habit and bad habits die-hard. You will be addicted to talking and this can be bad as time goes on. One you start working you have to come out of college life. In college you could enjoy, flirt, do anything you wanted. But this is real life. Be responsible or else you will be responsible for your terrible life and the life if your husband/wife.
Any person no matter who he/she is would never like his/her wife/husband having such relationship with her/his colleagues.

Last year 90% of divorce happened because of Extra-Marital Affairs and in that 80% because of relationships with colleagues. And we would not like this to happen with us. So start from now.
Guys see to it that you don't put an habit of calling you female-colleagues after office hours or on weekends or holidays, even if they provoke you or give missed calls. Let them spend time with their family members or other friends. You also do the same. Good girls don't give missed calls. And girls who give I need not say what kind of girls they are. Stay away from them. You can talk as much as you want in office. And gals, if any guy calls you then it's not bad to say 'No, Let's talk in office' or 'I am busy, talk with you tomorrow' to that guy. Do it twice and they will automatically stop calling. Guys have this habit of flirting and you allowing them to flirt will only help them do more. Relationships can always be maintained in right manner. Never succumb to emotional pressure like 'You don't want to talk with me or what' or 'You can call him but you can't call me' or 'You talk for so and so time with her but with me only this much'. Some people fall for this because they don't want to lose a friend. Again I say colleague is not a friend. They are just here to work and keep on moving in their life. They go to other company, go for growth and so on. They will not wait for you in the same office to be with you forever. So don't be emotionally attached with your colleagues. They are competitors and always on their toes to show you down in front of seniors and managers. You may not realize now but this is a fact, be ready for it.
Imagine a girl getting married and someone says to her to be husband, that guy over there is the one who regularly calls your wife or your wife gives missed calls or calls that guy. Always this thing will remain on the back of his mind. Similarly someone tells the bride that your groom always keeps calling that girl or vice-versa…. Imagine yourself at that place. Situations arise because we allow them to. No one can lead ideal life but we can always make an sincere effort to lead one.

Another note to be taken about: (strictly male to female and female to male contexts)
If your colleague calls you. Just check out whether if he calls others also. If he doesn't then find out why? No guy will call other girl if he is not interested in that girl. In a group there can be five females but it's not necessary that a guy calls all five. He will only call the one on whom he is interested.
Similarly, a girl will not give missed call to everyone. If she gives then she must be really lonely. Stay away from them or you will be caught in their loving talk. Guys normally fall for girls because of their beauty or their talk. So if a guy colleague comes to you and proposes you then it's not his mistake completely, it's more of yours because you were the one who used to give him that space.
Also you become a topic of gossip among your fellow colleagues if they come to know that one of their colleague is calling you and not calling others. And there is nothing more dangerous than office gossip. It can cost you your job and just remember how easily you got this job.

So please keep your office and it's people at office and lead a normal happy life. For your good and for the good of your spouse. Send it to your colleagues, friends, relatives, parents and everyone and avoid incidents like the one mentioned at the beginning of this article. If you feel anyone is doing anything mentioned above then just go and tell him/her. You will be helping someone in their life.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Chinese Feng Shui Horoscope

This is a Chinese Feng Shui horoscope.

If you are honest this tells the truth, it's pretty accurate.
Write your answers on paper.
Find out your horoscope at the bottom.

1. Which is your favorite color: Red, Black, Blue, Green or Yellow?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, Black or White?
5. The name of a person that is the same sex as you?
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one)

When you are done, scroll down. Don't cheat!

Answers:
1. If you choose:
Red- You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black- Yo u are conservative and aggressive.
Green- Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue- You are spontaneous and love affection.
Yellow- You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who
are down.

2. If your initials are:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to live your life to the max and your love life is soon to
bloom. S-Z You like to help others and your future looks very bright.

3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that
you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr-Jun: You will have a strong love relationship that will last
forever.
Jul-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major
life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your life will be great you will find your soul mate.

4. If you chose:
Black: Your life is about to get better. You are more than ready for
the change.
White: You have a friend who completely confides in you and would do
anything for you, but you may not realize it.

5. This person should be your best friend.

6. This is how many close friends you will have in your life time.

7. If you choose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.

8. If you choose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover. You are very
reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

9. This wish will come true if you send this to 1 person in one hour.
Send it to ten people and it will come true be fore your next birthday.

Be peaceful to others and to yourself.

Sexy Frog

A young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet.As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs.

The sign says: 'Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions.'

The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll take one.'

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions.'

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.

She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.'

So, the blonde calls the pet store.

The man says, 'I'll be right over.'

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.

The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there.'

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: 'Listen to me you frog! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!'

In the summertime

SUMMER CAMPS NOWADAYS IMPART LIFESKILLS TO STUDENTS THAN MERELY ENGAGING THEM IN FUN-FILLED ACTIVITIES.

   It is summer once again and the holidays stretch out in front of you. So what do you do with the time? If the idea of 'summer-camps' doesn't appeal to you owing to factors like 'distance' or 'feasibility,' then think again. These camps are not confined to trekking or adventure sports, but increasingly focusing on imparting life-skills to students like table etiquette, public-speaking, personality development, firstaid lessons, and so on.
   So be it working on students' handwriting, grooming their personality, introducing them to the world of theatre, sports and adventure to even helping them with their holiday homework, summer camps are doing this and more. Parents don't mind paying for the activities, as they prefer their children spending the holidays doing something more constructive than just being glued to the television.

LEARNING THE SCIENCE

Science Popularisation Association of Communicators and Educators (SPACE), for instance, is organising 'Star Parties' for schools. This party is organised in the adventurous environs of Jim Corbett National Park and Aries observatory. It is a funfilled educational excursion wherein participants experience the nature and at the same time learn new concepts of science and astronomy.
   Informs Amit Verma, deputy CEO, Space Technology and Education Pvt. Ltd: "It's important that students understand the science around them and this is what we aim at" adding, "the main attractions of the camp include night sky observations, treasure hunt, solar walk, day trip to Aries (a Nainital observatory working on a 40 inch telescope), a jungle safari, group activities and team-building games among others."
   Similarly, 'Bagicha,' an adventure camp at Ramgarh, near Nainital, Uttrakhand, of four to six-day duration, is more than climbing, panoramic views and wilderness experience. During the camp, one is prepared for the totality of nature - from storms and soft breezes to biting insects as well as singing birds.
   Rajiv Khare, head (business development) and an avid trekker, Altitudes Adventure, points out: "Our education system is such that we teach students to compete whereas at our camps, we teach them on ways to succeed."
   He adds: "The essence of our course is that members of the team, work together either as a group from the outset or simply complement each other as individuals wherein they learn the process of team-building and leadership skills."
   Gurmeet Malhotra, on the other hand, runs hobby classes in west Delhi. She says: "Besides helping children with their homework, we also work on improving students' handwriting and grammar, for which they don't get time otherwise."

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT

Likewise, 'Hunar,' a four-week camp, organised by Gurukul Pre-School, offers activities like instrumental music, fine arts, dance, skating, theatre, personality development, English conversation, judo, besides others.
   Elaborates, Priti Narayan, its founder-director: "The most popular course has been the personality development one which is a capsule of fine arts, English conversation, table manners, dance, etiquettes and confidence-building activities. In this programme, through personal attention, the children are allowed to overcome their inhibitions and given finer tips for holistic development."

MARKETABLE SKILLS

The Family India has been organising camps for underprivileged children in the NCR for the last six years that includes street children, children from broken homes and orphaned children who normally won't get to take part in such activities.
   At these five-day long camps, their volunteers teach children on ways to make beautiful decorative items such as paper carry bags, artificial bonsai trees, picture frames, jewellery boxes among others. The children are also taught theatre, music and sports activities.
   Says Rohit Kumar, its co-ordinator: "Through our various activities, we teach them to make things of marketable value, so in the process, we help them 'pick a skill' so that they can earn their livelihood, in future."

SOCIAL AWARENESS

Similarly 'Yuva-Ekta' is an opportunity for young people from different socio-economic backgrounds to interact with one another and ideate on a number of socially relevant issues ranging from the Right to Information to appreciating what one already has, to human rights issues and environmental concerns. Students from various schools, colleges and nonprofit organisations come together for a month to work together and learn from each other.
   Informs Shivani, programme co-ordinator: "The programme includes three days of self empowerment workshop and a city walk organised by Salaam Baalak Trust, an NGO that works with street and working children. Students will also spend time at a children's shelter home in Paharhganj and engage with them in fun learning, games, music, art and craft and so on."

Friday, May 23, 2008

some meanings

Mirror: A tool Never Ever hand it over to lady's hand.

Money: Can buy every thing even love.

Love: Word means there are two people have been already involved in a risky relationship.

Mother In Law: Time Bomb explodes every time she visit your house.

Kids: Refers to Dibbers, Cerelac, less sleep at night but every one is looking to have them.

Friendship: Vanished relationship new terminology = Business

Wise Man: The one never believe women.

Smart Girl: Knows how to catch man.

Male: Creature always thinks of woman.

Female: Creature always thinks how to make man's life miserable.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

This is the maid

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.

The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answers the woman.

"We don't have a maid," says the man.

The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."

The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make 50,000?"

The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"

The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."

A long pause and the man asks, "Oops..! Is this 2261-1382?"

My conversation with god

God : Hello. Did you call me?

Me: Called you? No.. Who is this ?

God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God : Well I wanted to resolve your! Fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?

God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty. .

God : Pain is inevitable able, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher . She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why cant we be free from problems?

God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you! Are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..

God : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading.Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?

God : when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I cant get the answer.

God : Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God : Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God : There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.

God : Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear . Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that took our breath away!

A page written by a Project Manager - Please read

Dear Sony,

Now at 1.30am , I am sitting in my cabin

With yet another cup of coffee in front of me

It is my 55^th coffee if I remember correct

That also I am not quite sure .......

Everybody have gone

Even the second shift staff

You may wonder why I am here
And what I am doing.

I am thinking about you !
Yes only about you !!!!!!

I remember the day in the office
you were introduced to me

They told you will be a good assistant to me.

I was happy that I am lucky to have
A beauty like you to assist me.

And really it turned to be.

I remember the days,
We spent together in office.

I was really thrilled,
By an assistant like you.

I put many confusions
You had all the answers ready.

I got all my problems solved
When I was with you.

I told you about my family,

Children and every thing in my life

You looked at me smiling

And never made any comment.

You were the first person to know

I was planning to buy a flat.

We searched together and found

One which was suitable to my family.

You helped me a lot for the bank loans

Calculated the interests and the hidden costs.

I felt bad as I didn't invited you for the house warming

I was afraid how I will introduce you to all there.

I know that many staffs were talking about our relationship

I never extended an ear to it and neglected it.

You also might have heard about the comments they made

You also kept quite and neglected as I did.

We sat late in the office to complete the projects

I used to get phone calls from wife complaining

But no one called you to disturb us.

I am glad I had an assistant like you.

I shared my ideas with you

You guided me when I was wrong

Though you were my assistant

I was proud to have an assistant like you.

My wife doesn't like you

That fact I never told you

That was one reason I sit late in the office

Enjoying every moment working with you

I took you to meetings to assist me

You presented my ideas better than me

You never let me down in meetings

Many people were looking at you as 'impressed'

Many asked me also "where you found her"

"You are not seen without her"

"What is the binding factor between both?"

I told them it is 'Chemistry' and not 'Biology'

I took you once to my new flat

When my wife and kids were away with her parents

She doesn't like to see you in the home

What she says "office is office and home is home"

We shared one room as we went outstation projects

You never asked for anything 'separate'

You worked late with me there also

Never ever claimed any overtime money.

You saw my family pictures of every moment

Never made any comment on that.

Not even shown any of yours

I never asked also, as you were with me most of the time.

When you get sick, I get anxious

I took you to specialists and made sure that you are OK

I felt, I am unable to do anything

In the office and life with out you.

I heard 'you are getting a transfer'

To assist somebody in the office

And I will get a 'new assistant'

I felt very bad as I was attached to you so much.

You were not of shining complexion

A little dark but I liked the way you are

I loved you dark beauty

My wife is fair and she doesn't like dark ones.

When I move fingers on you

I felt like 'any thing' and did 'many thing'

And I didn't know how you felt as you never told

But you did wonders 'when my hands were on you'

I liked you as you never made any 'advance move'

Never asked any thing from me

Always I was the one to take the 'imitative'

And you only obeyed my 'instructions' as a boss.

Now it is 3.00 AM, I switched off my mobile

If my wife ask, what should I reply, I don't know

I cannot say, I was thinking of you in the office

She doesn't want to hear your name in 'her house', I bought for her.

Now it is the age of Nano Technology

Mr. Mehtha said 'you will get a better assistant"

'Slimmer, Beautiful, Vibrant, Efficient and Charming'

But I loved your profile, the way you have.

I cannot afford to miss you my darling "my sonu kudi'

As you are the one and only

Sony Vaio

My dearest lap top

Seen from an Investor's Point of View

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've
met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

Awesome reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same
goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do
contact me...

signed,
J.P. Morgan

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Software Problem

Software Problem

In March 1992 a man living in Newton, near Boston,
received a bill for his as yet unused credit card
stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw
it away. In April he received another and threw that
one away, too. The following month the credit card
company sent him a very nasty note stating they were
going to cancel his card if he didn't send them
$0.00 by return of post. He called them, talked to
them, they said it was a computer error and told him
they'd take care of it.

The following month our hero decided that it was about
time that he tried out the troublesome credit card
figuring that if there were purchases on his account it
would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However,
in the first store that he produced his credit card in
payment for his purchases, he found that his card had
been cancelled.

He called the credit card company who apologized for the
computer error once again and said that they would take
care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating
that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken
to the credit card company only the previous day, the
latest bill was yet another mistake. So he ignored it, and
trusted that the company would be as good as their word
and sort the problem out.

The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had
10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take
steps to recover the debt. Finally giving in he thought he
would play the company at their own game and mailed them a
check for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and
returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the credit
card company nothing at all.

A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was
doing writing a check for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation
the bank replied that the $0.00 check had caused their check
processing software to fail.

The bank could not now process ANY checks from ANY of their
customers that day because the check for $0.00 was causing
the computer to crash. The following month the man received
a letter from the credit card company claiming that his check
had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he
sent a check by return of post they would be taking steps to
recover the debt.

The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer
for her birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.

__._,_.___

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

ULTIMATE INTERVIEW

ULTIMATE INTERVIEW.

The IAS Interview

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.

"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"

"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.

When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.

Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"

He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"

He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".

The interviewer was incensed.

"Hey! Are you mad or what?"

He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."

__,_._,___

why why why

Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it 's you.

~~~Now send this on to your friends and make them smile too!~~~

****A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!****

What Do You Do All Day?

A man came home from work and found his three small children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?'

'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.

She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'

Send this page to another woman.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

AuToMaTiC eMaiL RePLy MeSsaGeS

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.
If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

5. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I
return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.

==================================================================

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside.

So, try going out without clothes tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don't care who rules the world!

That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.

They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks,

but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!

9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

10. All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

11. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi

Now whom do we follow???

12. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,
When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…

Waiter!!! Another shot please…

13. 10% of road accidents are due to drunk driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

Men's Restroom Moral

Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior office space. They had a

Recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.

The client allowed the women of this

Company a free hand in all design aspects.

The client was a company that was also r

Un by all women execs.............

The result....well.....

We all know that men never talk,

Never look at each other....
And never laugh much in the restroom....
The men's room is a serious and quiet place...
But now...with the addition of one moral on the wall......

Lets just say the men's restroom is a place of laughter and smiles.

www.FunAndFunOnly.net