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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO STRESSED IF...

* You can achieve a "Runn ers High" by sitting up.

* The Sun is too loud.

* Trees begin chasing you.

*You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

* You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You can hear mimes.

* You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.

* Things becomes "Very Clear".

* You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

* You keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" even though you are the only one in the room.

* Your heart beats in 7/8 time.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You can skip without a rope.

* It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

* You can travel without moving.

* Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

* You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

* You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the rest of the night.

* Teddy bears begin to bully you for milk and cookies.

* You have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of people you are talking to.

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Dilbert's Words Of Wisdom

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

4. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

5. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

7. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

8. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

10. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

11. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

12. My Reality Check bounced.

13. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

14. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

15. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanubutter.

16. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

17. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo!

 

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Simple Prostate Exam
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