What A Car!

I bought a new Lexus 455lxs and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

 

 "Watch this!", he said, "Nelson"! The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

 

 "Willie!", he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

 

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

 

 I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs.

 

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly crammed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "Ass Holes!" Immediately the Pakistani National Anthem began to play, sung by Asif Zardari and Mian Sharif, backed up by Musharaff and The PPP Party, with Imran Khan on guitar, Farzana Raja on drums, Shah Mahmood Qureshi on harmonica, Judge Chowhury on tambourine, George Bush on sax and Sherry Rehman on scotch...!

 

Damn, I LOVE this car!  Don't you?

 

Getting Old ..... and Funny

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'


Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'



Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'


A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'


One more. . .!


A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

WC

 

This is to provide some comic relief........ You just can't stop laughing for every single sentence in the letter below. Take a bit of a break to read it !

In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India . She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England , as you know, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for 'Water Closet'. She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.

The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a
' Wayside Chapel ' (Place where Celebrations are done especially like a beautiful garden) near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.

So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos as well. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend Your Ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

Opportunity knocks

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money. Once he is given
the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber then shot him in the temper ,
killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you
see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

 

 

 

 

Moral-When Opportunity knocks.... MAKE USE OF IT !!!!  

 

SOFT KISS...

SOFT KISS...The Kissing Style of a Software Engineer!

It happened when I was in B. Tech 3rd year. We were four girls stayed in that spacious university hostel room. In those days we always preferred to stay with other branch students because if classmates are room mates, they may come to know the secrecy of our preparation for good score in exams and may come for competition in ranking. Not only that, they may come competition to our boy friends too. This thinking was present in every student of the campus. So, every one was happy with other branch students as room mates. In that way Anuradha, IT student became my room mate.

One fine sun day I was preparing notes. Observed Anu (Anuradha) doing some thing. I didn't care first, serious in preparing notes. Other two room mates went out with visitors. After an hour preparation, I looked up for relaxation. To my surprise Anu was still doing some thing which I could not understand even a bit. I observed her carefully. She was referring a paper and doing some physical movements. I felt those movements like the steps of the song… 

ONE TWO CHA CHA CHA
THREE FOUR CHA CHA CHA

I asked her what it is. Then, she told me about this SOFT KISS which I am sharing with you all.

Anu said "Sneha, you know I am in love with my senior Prashant. He is also showing interest in me. Yesterday he proposed for kissing. I felt very happy. But instead of kissing immediately, he gave this program and told me to prepare perfectly as per the program. Then only he will kiss me."

I was in utter confusion "program for what?"
She said "program for how to kiss."
It was a great shock to me. Until that time I didn't know prior preparation is required for kissing and there exists a program on how to kiss.
Anu asked me "Sneha…if you are not preparing notes now, please help me for some time. I am unable to practice while reading the steps in that program."
I nodded my head with curiosity to see what is there in that program. I am placing that program as it is. 

********************************************
file Name: SOFTKISS.c 
Interface: result() returns a wonderful kissing experience.
Using: Use high heel shoes, via GirlHeight() sub-program.
Input: Reads an expression from this program and practice.
Output: The result of the practice makes you suitable for kissing experience.

After reading this I lifted my head with full of astonishment.
Controlled my laugh, I said "Anu…it seems Prashant is genius. He wrote INPUT and OUTPUT in kissing experience."
But Anu was very nervous and was doing that
ONE TWO CHA CHA CHA
THREE FOUR CHA CHA CHA
She said with sad face "I am unable to perform this step."

Huh… I looked into paper to see what is there next.

Send errors to Prashant (B. Tech (IT)-4th year) based on practical difficulties.

My face became thousand watt bulb. "WOW Anu…You can reject this program by saying your practical difficulties."

But she was still in the sad mood and told "Read next"

Note: Already experimented on several girls by my friends and got BEST results.

"Oops. It seems this Prashant got cent percent marks in C-programs." I thought I felt it but unknowingly said it aloud.
Anu reacted immediately with happy face "Exactly Sneha, he got 100% marks in Programming languages."
She asked me with wide opened eyes "How do you know Sneha?"
I got pity on myself. Anu came near me and lifted my chin and said "Please…Please…Please Sneha. Please Help, I wish to have Soft Kiss experience tomorrow."

No way to escape. So prepared my mind to read the program and help my friend Anu. So, I started reading every step of the program aloud.

*******************************************
#include <Wear Sari> /* For Sexy appearance */

Immediately Anu ran to her cup-board and brought pink color chiffon sari which she got as birth day presentation from her parents.
I said "Good selection."
She felt happy and kept it back.

#include <Take Head bath> /* To avoid irritation by oily hair. */

Anu showed new Shampoo bottle which she bought in the morning.
I nodded my head positively.

#include <Use mouth freshener> /* Fragrance of mouth freshener encourages man to kiss*/

Anu showed not one but a dozen mouth freshener chewing gums.
I raised my eye brows in appreciation to her preparation.


If I go like this, it may kill my precious time. Thinking in that way I jumped to the important program part where Anu needs my assistance.

for 1 to 10 seconds
     {
       take deep breath;
     }
End 

Anu told me to check time and announce after 10 seconds.
Immediately Anu took deep breath for 10 seconds. I nodded but entered into thoughts "what is this? Do we need deep breathing exercise in kissing?"
In the middle of my thoughts I heard Anu's cry "Sneha…TIME".
I came to this world and checked my watch. Oops 25 seconds.
Huh…its impossible for me to announce these timings. So told her "Anu…at the kissing scene I will not be present to announce time na. So, count slowly one, two, three upto ten. Tenth digit indicates 10th second".
"Yeah…that's great" she accepted happily.

for 11 to 15 seconds
      {
        stretch your right hand;
        Take out mouth freshener;
      }
     for 16 to 40 seconds
           {
             Chew the mouth freshener;
           }
    End
End

Now without my guidance Anu practiced this step with her silent counting method. Even after 50th second she didn't do which I wished. She was staring at me for next instruction.
I asked her "where did you throw that chewed thing."
"He didn't write that step, at the time of kissing we should not feel inconvenient. So, swallowed it."
OMG…I didn't know that this much difficulty exists in kissing episode.

while (mouth is fresh and time is less than 80 seconds)
       {
         Take two steps back
         Take two steps forward
         Bend back a little.
         if (you feel comfortable)
             {
               Touch your man's hand; 
               Tell him u r ready;
             }
      else
             {
               Take your hand bag;
               And Get Lost;
             }
end 

I didn't read other details of this program and its sub programs, told Anu I have got urgent assignment to finish. I was frightened by this program to such an extent, leave what happened on the next day between Anu and Prashant, I never asked her but took decision to be 10 feet away from software engineers.  Even now if I hear any one introducing himself as software engineer, automatically my mind directs me to keep a 10 feet distance.

law+flaw

Don't Trust Golfing Lawyers

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the Don was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from his private businesses, he ask the lawyer to ask the deaf man if he was willing to help. This way if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police about what he was doing. The deaf man accepted.

On his first week, the deaf man picked up over $50,000. He decided to keep the money and stashed it in a safe place. The mafia Don realized that the collection was late, and he sent a hood after the deaf collector. The hood found the deaf collector and ask him where the money was. The deaf couldn't communicate with him, so the mafia hood drags the guy to the lawyers office to interpret. The mafia hood says to the lawyer, "Ask him where da money is."

The lawyer signs, "Where's the money?"

The deaf man replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The lawyer tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The hood pulls out a .38 gun and places it in the ear of the basketball star and says, "NOW ask him where da money is."

The lawyer signs, "Where is the money?"

The deaf man replies, "The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate ."

The lawyer says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."

 

How to catch a lion

Newton 's Method:

 

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Implies you caught lion.

 

Einstein Method:

 

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.

Now you can trap it easily.

 

Software Engineer Method:

 

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.

If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

 

Indian Police Method:

 

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.

 

Rajnikanth Method :

 

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.

The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

 

Jayalalitha Method:

 

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !

 

Manirathnam Method (director):

 

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark

room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears.

The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

 

Karan Johar Method (director):

 

Send a lioness into the forest.

Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.

But 2nd lioness loves both lions.

Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

 

Yash Chopra method (director):

 

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

 

Govinda method:

 

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

 

Menaka Gandhi method:

 

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

 

George bush method:

 

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

 

Ravi Shastri method:

 

Ask the lion to bowl at u.

U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

Lion tired and surrenders

 

 

Recharge ur prepaid phone every month free (airtel,bsnl,aircel,vodofone and etc.......

Please follow the instruction & you can recharge your SIM card absolutely free.. Yes it is possible , see how technology can be used to make technicians fool.
 
I just got a mail from a friend of mine , whose friend is B.Tech.(ETC) from IIT Powai , teaching me how to reload my hand set every month for free. Engineered by a group of rebel programmers. I am going to share this to all of you.
 
Please follow the instructions as stated below before you start it:
 
Applicable for  airtel,bsnl,aircel,vodofone users only , sorry for UTL users and it is done illegally of course. But there are many things that are illegal in this world.
But then who cares. Don't worry nobody can trap you. No legal action can be taken on you for this. So go ahead without worrying.
 
You can only do this every 14th & 15th of the month as the network system is under upgrade.
 
1.) ** Dial " 1414" using your h/phone and wait for 5 second
 
2.) ** after 5 second , you will hear some funny noise (like sound from TV when the station is finished)
 
3.) ** Once the noise stop , immediately dial 9151 follow by your phone number
 
4.) ** A recorded message "please insert your pin number" will follow
 
5.) ** punch in the pin number " 011785 45227 00734" and wait for the operator finish repeating the above pin number.
 
6.) ** After the pin number has been repeat , dial " 0405-for NTC , 404 -for SPICE"
 
7.) ** you will hear a message "for air time top-up press 1723" you just have to follow the instruction
 
 
8.) ** After you follow the instruction , the noisy sound will re-appear for about 5 second
 
9.) ** once the noise stop , dial " 4455147 " follow by " 146 "
 
10.) ** after about 5 second , dial " 1918 " after 3 second dial " 4451 "
 
11.) ** after you done that , punch in the serial number " 01174452271145527 " you will hear dial tone.
 
12.) ** once the dialing tone stop , dial " 55524785933 " you will hear " please key in your password"
 
13.) ** the password is " **** 2+253+7891*+ 546322 " wait for the message "your password accepted"
 
14.) ** you will hear " please insert your emey number " now you have to be fast to dial your own h/phone number

15.) ** you will hear a dialing tone , when the call is answered , dial " 1566 " and you will hear "re-confirm emery number"
 
16.) ** once you hear that message , dial " 6011556 2245334 follow by your h/phone number"
 
17.) ** after a while , you will hear a message "your pin number is accepted" you have to dial " 1007 "
 
18.) ** after you done that you will hear "your emery number is accepted"
 
 
19.) ** continue dial " 4566 " you will hear "your password is accepted"
 
20.) ** once the second message finish , immediately dial your own h/phone number
 
21.) ** Now you will receive a message saying ............
 
********
 
*******
 
******
 
****
 
***
 
**
 
*
 
"NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD , . SO , GET BACK TO WORK AND DON'T WASTE TIME !!"

Meet Delhi's suicide stopper

Not many people know him, but those who do remember him as the man who gave them a new lease of life when they wanted to end it.

Delhi boatman Abdul Sattar has spent the last 20 years saving people from committing suicide. Sattar is known in Wazirabad - Delhi’s suicide point - as death's nemesis. When not working as a boatman, he keeps a keen eye on Yamuna’s banks.

"It happens the most when the Class X and XII results come out. Even others do it. When I rescue them, they are usually angry. They say, why did you stop me," says Sattar.

Even if those he saves are not happy, their families are. Sometimes that even means huge rewards for Sattar who says nearly 100 unhappy people come to the river every month to end their lives.

When he drags them out, they get his advice for free. "I tell them God has given you one life – don’t give up, fight on," he says.

Abdul is now helped by a volunteer band of suicide stoppers. “It feels good saving people and giving them a new life,” says a volunteer Ganesh.

Rich people, poor people, children who are unhappy with their marks to men who cant pay off their debts, Sattar says he has saved more than 1,000 people in the past two decades. The reason? He has a very simple philosophy: to give life a second chance.

Interesting Human Body Facts

A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

- Approximately 75% of human feces is made of water.

- It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

- One human hair can support 3kg.

- Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.

-Your thumb is the same length of your nose.

- A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

- If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.

- Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

- Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.

- Women blink twice as much as men.

- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.

- When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

- It takes twice as long to lose new muscle if you stop working out than it did to gain it.

- You're ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.

- Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

- If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

- The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.


Side Note: You checked out the length of your thumb ... Didn't you ???

MAN vs WOMAN

- A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.

- A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need.

- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

- To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.

- To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all..

- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

- Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

- A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.

- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

- Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

birbal the wise

Birbal Solves the Problem   Several courtiers were vying to be the Royal Advisor of Emperor Akbar. So one day, when they came to the court, they said to the Emperor, "We want to be your Royal Advisor." Akbar said, "No problem, but you will have to pass the test before you could be my Royal Advisor. And whoever would pass the test will be appointed my Advisor." They agreed.   The King unfastened his waist cloth and lay down on the floor, and asked the candidates to cover him with that cloth from head to toe. Now everybody tried to cover him, but in vain. If one wanted to cover the head, then feet remained uncovered, or if the feet were covered, then his head remained open.   Just then Birbal entered the court, the king asked Birbal also, if he could cover him with that cloth from head to toe. Birbal paused a moment, then asked the Emperor politely, "Huzoor, Could you pull up your knees a little bit?" The King did so, and Birbal could cover him from head to toe with that cloth. Realizing that they failed the test, the courtiers left the court quietly and then they never thought about being the King's Advisor.

 

get smiled

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup. Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

***


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup. Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

 ***

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg. Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

itching to laugh?

Sardar bhupindher Singh is appearing for his University final examination.

 

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,

and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.

 

He then removes his turban and throws it away as well.

His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

Oye, I am only following the instructions:
- 'Answer in BRIEF'.

 

 

I'm shopping for Priyanka's B'day gift

Harman is on a family holiday in Dubai..

"Just the four of us my dad, mom, my sister Rowena and me. We took off for a 5-days trip to Dubai. We all needed the break.

The last two years and particularly the last few weeks have been very stressful for all of us. So here we are, just chilling and shopping.

Actually the ladies are doing all the shopping. I'm just their bag boy, " says Harman sounding completely relaxed and far from the tense wreck that his well-wishers in the entertainment industry would like him to be.

"In the past two weeks (after the release of Love Story 2050) I've learnt so much about life. I think I'm much wiser now."

'Wise' Harman intends to go shopping in Dubai for his girlfriend Priyanka whose birthday is on the 18th.

"I don't know as yet what I'll get her. But girls like anything you give then in a gift-wrap and with a smile, trust me on that."

Nice logic :: it maY work

A man eats two eggs each morning for breakfast.  When he goes to the Kirana store he pays Rs. 12 a dozen.  Since a dozen eggs won't last a week he normally buys two dozens at a time. One day while buying eggs he notices that the price has risen to Rs. 16. The next time he buys groceries, eggs are Rs. 22 a dozen.

When asked to explain the price of eggs the store owner says, "The price has gone up and I have to raise my price accordingly" . This store buys 100 dozen eggs a day.  He checked around for a better price and all the distributors have raised their prices. The distributors have begun to buy from the huge egg farms.  The small egg farms have been driven out of business.  The huge egg farms sell 100,000 dozen eggs a day to distributors.  With no competition, they can set the price as they see fit. The distributors then have to raise their prices to the grocery stores. And on and on and on.

As the man kept buying eggs the price kept going up. He saw the big egg trucks delivering 100 dozen eggs each day. Nothing changed there.   He checked out the huge egg farms and found they were selling 100,000 dozen eggs to the distributors daily. Nothing had changed but the price of eggs.

Then week before Diwali the price of eggs shot up to Rs. 40 a  dozen. Again  he asked the grocery owner why and was told, "Cakes and baking for the holiday".  The huge egg farmers know there will be a lot of baking going on and more eggs will be used. Hence, the price of eggs goes up. Expect the same thing at Christmas and other times when family cooking, baking, etc. happen. This pattern continues until the price of eggs is Rs. 60 a dozen. The man says, " There must be something we can do about the price of eggs".

He starts talking to all the people in his town and they decide to stop buying  eggs. This didn't work because everyone needed eggs.  Finally, the man suggested only buying what you need.  He ate 2 eggs a day. On the way home from work he would stop at the grocery and buy two eggs. Everyone in town started buying 2 or 3 eggs a day.

The grocery store owner began complaining that he had too many eggsin his cooler.  He told the distributor that he didn't need any eggs. Maybe wouldn't need any all week.

The distributor had eggs piling up at his warehouse.  He told the huge egg farms that he didn't have any room for eggs would not need any for at least two weeks. At the egg farm, the chickens just kept on laying eggs.   To relieve the pressure, the huge egg farm told the distributor that they could buy the eggs at a lower price. The distributor said, " I don't have the room for  the %$&^*&% eggs even if they were free".   The distributor told the grocery store owner that he would lower the price of the eggs if the store would start buying again.

The grocery store owner said, "I don't have room for more eggs. The customers  are only buying 2 or 3 eggs at a time.  Now if you were to drop the price of eggs back down to the original price, the customers would start buying by the dozen again".

The distributors sent that proposal to the huge egg farmers but the egg farmers liked the price they were getting for their eggs but, those chickens just kept on laying.  Finally, the egg farmers lowered the
price of their eggs.  But only a few paisa. The customers still bought 2 or 3 eggs at a time. They said, "when the price of  eggs gets down to where it was before, we will start buying by the dozen."

Slowly the price of eggs started dropping.  The distributors had to slash their prices to make room for the eggs coming from the egg farmers.  The egg farmers cut their prices because the distributors wouldn't buy at a higher price than they were selling eggs for. Anyway, they had full warehouses and wouldn't need eggs for quite a while. And those chickens kept on laying. Eventually, the egg farmers cut their prices because they were throwing away eggs they couldn't sell.

The distributors started buying again because the eggs were priced to where the  stores could afford to sell them at the lower price. And the customers starting buying by the dozen again.

Now, transpose this analogy to the gasoline industry.

What if everyone only bought Rs 200.00 worth of Petrol each time they pulled to the pump?  The dealer's tanks would stay semi full all the time.  The dealers wouldn't have room for the gas coming from the huge tanks.  The tank farms wouldn't  have room for the petrol coming from the refining plants. And the refining plants wouldn't have room for the oil being off loaded from the huge tankers  coming from the oil fiends.

Just Rs 200.00 each time you buy gas. Don't fill up the tank of your car. You may have to stop for gas twice a week, but the price should come down.

Think about it.

Also, don't buy anything else at the fuel station; don't give them any more of your hard earned money than what you spend on gas, until the prices come down..."

...just think of this concept for a while....... ......... ...please pass this concept around....reaching out to the masses ...the world ..... let us put an end to oil rich countries fleecing the poor and developing countries

 

Two Important Qualities,

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy Class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: "The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Human body".

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his Finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," He told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and licking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The Second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and licked on my index finger. "Now learn to pay attention".

 

Laughing will increase ur life span..

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family,
forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints", But now they
are called.. "IT professionals"

2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt : "If
you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen
off"

3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And the other loves too many,

4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the
company..!

5) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for
your exams..!

7) Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise
man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy
I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!

9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said:
" WE do have an... opening for you...! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us.

 

New Recruitment

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave..

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.

500 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says 'Kem Chho'

The other candidate answers 'Ek Dam Majama'

God's Sense of Humor

God  was in the process of creating the universe.
And he was explaining to his subordinates
"Look everything should be in balance.

For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.
 
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
 
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.
 
And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would
have to cut off the forests...
So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.
 
One of the angels asked...
"God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?"

God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA",
My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....
 
The angel was quite surprised:
 
"But god you said everything should be in balance."
 
God replied --
"Look at the neighbours I gave them."

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRYTALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'

 

The girl said:'NO!'

 

And the girl lived happily ever-after and went shopping,

dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never

had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't

get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had

all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched

sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had

high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in

sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.

 

The End

 

get smiled

One day, a blind man and his dog are walking down a street, they come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and his dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, and offers it to the dog.

A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his back."

 

Sorry, wrong number (can be diaastrous at times )

'Hello?'



                     'Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?'
                    'No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle
                   Paul.'

                   After a brief pause, Daddy says, 'But honey, you
                   haven't got an Uncle Paul.'
                   'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,
                   right now.'

                   Brief Pause. 'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to
                   do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and
                   knock on
                   the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car
                   just pulled into the driveway.'

                   ' Okay Daddy, just a minute.'

                   A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the
                   phone. 'I did it  Daddy.'

                   ' And what happened honey ? '

                   ' Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no
                   clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped
                   over the rug,
                      hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving
                   at all ! '

                   ' Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul? '

                   ' He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He
                   was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and
                   into the
                     swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you
                   took out the water last week to clean it. He hit  the
                   bottom of the pool and I think
                     he's dead.'

                   *** Long Pause ***

                   *** Longer Pause ***

                   *** Even Longer Pause ***

                   Then Daddy says, ' Swimming pool ?


                   Is this 486-5731?'

                   No, this is 486-5713.....

                   Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!

I'm a JUNE Baby: WHAT BABY ARE YOU ???

Replace the month in the subject with your own & forward this to everybody in your address book & to the person who sent it to you... I did! These are so adorable, don't ya think? I'll bet they fit your B-day/personality to a T; ...... and, then, maybe not!   I just love the animated babies they have on here.
Enjoy!

 

What baby are you?   Jan ---------------JANUARY BABY-------------------- Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality. Feb -------   FEBRUARY BABY -------- Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble.. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside.. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match. Mar -----------------MARCH BABY -------------------- Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and Reserved. Secretive.. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser.. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others. If  you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days. Apr ------------------APRIL BABY ------------------- Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn.. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive attitude.. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh.. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a Cutie that's caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days. May -----------------MAY BABY ----------------- Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain).. Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing.. Loves Literature and the Arts. Loves traveling. Dislikes being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak to much in the next 4 days. Jun ------------JUNE BABY ------------- You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. A wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day Become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! In the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if  you repost this in 5 minutes. Jul ----------------JULY BABY -------------- Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly.. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be with friends Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost some way in the next 12 days Aug ------------AUGUST BABY --------------- Outgoing personality. Takes risks. Feeds on attention. No self-control.. Kind hearted. Self confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. In need of "that someone". Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain." Caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. "Charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. Stubborn. Curious. Independent. Strong willed. A fighter. Repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month. Sep ------------SEPTEMBER BABY --------------- Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. If you do not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days. Oct ---------------OCTOBER BABY ------------------- Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all Repost this in 5 mins or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years. Nov ---------------NOVEMBER BABY -------------------- Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent.. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. Dec ---------------DECEMBER BABY --------------- This straight-up means yo u are the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic.. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand.. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music.